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The music seeps in
Filling in the empty space
That dead moment of silence
Engulfed in the grace
Flowing like the waters
So rapid and so cold
Sweet simple notes
I forever hold..
Deep in my heart
Running through my veins
Drizzles in my head
Like the endless rains
Of sorrow so dreadful
Ending it with a smile
Placed on so many faces
That reach up to a mile
Long and.. so sad
With each sweet filled note
That later rotten
To sink what’s afloat
Stabled feelings
Contempt emotions
All to a stop
To later repeat motions
Undulating waves
Music.. sound
Rising up the dead
To level to the ground
Folk blues to a fade
And rainbows in my hands
The noise later fades
Like the sinking sands
Love never dies
Love never fades away
This is the song
I listened to today
Guitars chords enter
More music to be made
And before I knew it
The music fades away
A poem... not an angst...
:iconaural-autumn:
aural-autumn Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2003
Drizzles in my head
Like the endless rains
*Everything was smooth till here....I dont like the word drizzle here...it changes the mood I think.

I really like the part avout being sad but smiling a mile at the same time, becuz it is typical of those who are sad and depressed.

I have some corrections on this...or rather suggestions:
Folk blues to a fade
And rainbows in my hands
The noise later fades
Like the sinking sands
Love never dies
Love never fades away
This is the song
I listened to today
Guitars chords enter
More music to be made
And before I knew it
The music fades away

Dont use fade twice here...its redundant, find a word that means the same and is different. Change the cliche of love never dieing to something that means the same, also, but isnt a cliche. I think cliches kill a poem and make it less original seeming. change it to 'guitar chords enter', its easier to say and its makes more since I think.

Overall good idea and concepts here, just some minor revisions to make it smooth and the best it can be...later, Tif
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:iconsillydru:
sillydru Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2003
it's not bad. but, i think you could expand on your ideas more. it's kinda choppy, in my opinion. of course, the only reason i know this is because i write rather choppily myself. my advice? just try to make it flow more.

other than that, it's quite good. i think i'll check out your stuff now.
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February 9, 2003
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